september 27, 2023 - 4:56 AM

Hi.

Long delay between the last one. I admit I kind of just forgot about this website half the time, and the other half.. well I'm just a mess.
I detail major changes in the maintenance room now, accessible in the index page, but so far I've not added much. A new comment box made by another Neocities user which I feel way more comfortable using since it's not attached to some weird-ass shady company. The old one looked like shit anyway. The backlog is also greatly expanded now. Still not finished.

In other major news - I'm out of the shelter. For the time being. Some nice people from the local queer group offered me a place to stay for... some indeterminate amount of time. I've been here almost a whole month now. So things are going okay in that regard.
But it has also lead to some MASSIVE instability in my mental/emotional state. I've been a lot angrier and depressed lately, I guess because I don't have to keep my guard up all the time anymore, my sleep schedule is FUCKED (I am writing this at 5 am after all), and I've been feeling constantly sick in some way. I still don't want to go back if I can avoid it.
I'm not kidding about the mental instability though. I feel like I'm genuinely going insane, this time for.. seemingly no reason at all. I think being stuck for a whole year in that nightmare place fucked me up somehow and this is just the processing stage of trauma.

Remember me talking about being banned from the store in my last entry? Nothing came of it. Because of course. Not that it matters now because I have no reason to go there anymore.

Also hey, look at that. BLFC a mere 33 days away. As with every other time, it feels like a fucking eternity. I do have good news in that regard though, and it's that the people I care about, are confirmed to be going there as well now. Here's hoping those few days will take the title of "best days of my life" since I won't have other bullshit on my mind. ..... I don't know what I'll do after it's over, though. I worry about how badly my mental state could worsen when they all have to leave again.

That's all for now.